Been a while since I last blogged. The thing called life seems to have gotten in the way. I could piss and moan for pages how bad it's been, but frankly I'm at the stage were it's getting tedious for all concerned. Depression gets you like that. I looked back at my last blog and seemed everything was rosy in the garden and things were picking up...it was, I've not slumped back to the depths I reached in December. I've started the new job, which I really enjoy, but it's tempered with lonliness and isolation at times. 10hrs a day sat on your own, stuck behind the laptop. Like I said, benefits definitely outweigh the drawbacks, brew when I want, listen to radio/CD's/watch telly when I want, go for a fag when I want, no travelling.
On the personal front, well, all contact has been broken with the ex. It still hurts, I still miss her and she's constantly on my mind. I don't know, but I think my illness wont let the memories go. I'm not used to being on my own and a drawback of working on my own is it gives me too much time to ruminate on past mistakes, if onlies, maybe's, etc. There are good days, I've been out and played a few gigs, met up with friends, spent time with my kids...even made an appearance on a local radio show...but, I feel like there's a massive part of me missing. No one to share the good days and no one to pick me up on the bad ones. I even ventured into the murky world of 'online dating' suffice to say, I'll be giving that a swerve in future!
One thing that has helped me is the wonderful world of Twitter, I was always a bit wary, but I've met some fantastic like-minded people on there, support groups and found their help a godsend. So thanks to all my Twitter compardre's, you are brilliant!
So no pissing and moaning, even though my mood today at times has been very dark, I go back to see the Doc tomorrow to push for more councelling, CBT....anything, even contemplating hypnotherapy. As the title of this blog says, depression and anxiety can be like being back in the playgroud, swings and roundabouts, highs and lows and sometimes wandering around aimlessly like a lost child. I'll try to keep on keeping on. Till next time...Au revoir!
Thank you for letting me into your world Dave, a true honour. Just remember you always have support, and a broken shoulder here whenever you need it, problems shared and all that! x
ReplyDeleteI'll be seeing a Doctor on Thursday (earliest appointment I could get, although won't be seeing my usual GP) - not sure what I'll be pushing for, apart from a possible increase in meds. I've heard good things about hypnotherapy, though. Admittedly, I think it would be a whole lot easier if we just had memory wiping machines like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! :) x
ReplyDeleteCarrie, Mitch...thank you both for your comments. Mitch I don't know about hypnotherapy but if it can stop me thinking so much about the past, then I might be able to move forward. Thank you again xx
ReplyDeleteFound your link on Twitter. It's awful when the world seems so dark. I have some issues myself that I'm dealing with so I do know 'Cheer up mate, it's not that bad!' is kind of innapropriate. I do hope that tomorrow is brighter and that you find ways to cope with your memories and try to move on. Take care of yourself. x
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words Chaoskay. I'll keep keeping on as they say and thanks again for reading. x
ReplyDeleteHi Dave.
ReplyDeleteI agree that working alone for so long each day is not so good. It's for similar reasons that I'm moving to a flatshare.
Thanks for being part of twitter :)
Good to have you there! Xxx
Bollocks! Just wrote a long post about how it's nice to meet and hear from others going through the same thing as me and I pressed the wrong button - f**king phone.
ReplyDeleteDicky....welcome to my world mate!
ReplyDelete